I read this during my dark days when I had a “trans daughter”. I needed your sense of humor and your ability to precisely name each emotion in the war of restraint around the fury of what you really want to scream at them. It got me. It gets me. Yes, my son desisted when he got too close to the flame of actual hormones. I told him that he would be 200% responsible for whatever happened if he took them at 18. I said, “young people make huge mistakes, often they can be mistakes that alter the entire course of their lives- my 19 year old brother (your uncle) had a baby, your other uncle landed in prison for ten years, my high school friend became paraplegic after drunk driving at age 17. Do whatever you are going to do with your body! I’m done! These are your mistakes to make! I have nothing to do with it anymore! You’re 18 and the stupid state of California and Kaiser will give you the drugs against all rational medical science! I’m soooooo done!” I got out of the car and slammed the garage door. It went something like that. A few weeks later he desisted. It helped that by that time his dad was on board, telling him that you don’t get to change your “sex” until you’ve actually had sex. “You need to f#&$ before you know what the hell you’re doing!” I like to think that that was the fatherly message he needed to hear, to actually manage to get a sex life before forfeiting it to an imaginary identity in which he could get likes and clicks on the internet. I f’ing hate this cult.
Beautiful 🙌🏼 sometimes I think it's us blowing up that they really need and even crave. Boundaries are love even if our kids can't articulate it. I am with you 100%. Thanks for sharing it here.
Sasha and Mrs: love you girlies. I said the same thing to my unicorn, so she got a bf and discovered the joys of heterosex, but decided not to do the rest of the math because that would reveal she’s a normal woman (like me? Shivers.) Mrs, you got a mention in my post today! Xox
I remember this one! Mostly because of the misophonia mention. And now that you've reposted it, it's got me thinking. Stephanie Winn recently posted on 'X' asking people if they believe misophonia is real. I have a draft I started a loooong time ago about misophonia, because it's something I have experienced for years. The piece compares misophonia to 'misgendering'. Is this a sign I should finish that piece?! Also, curious if Miss Miller still claims to have misophonia.
She has not mentioned it in over a year I think. She used to implore me not to run the washing machine before 9AM because of the sound but most of the time she has no idea she sleeps through it. Definitely write your piece Gary! It's a sign from God.
Misphonia, annoyance at anything mothers say or sing or chew—these are all just fake-medical pretexts for telling mothers to STFU, stop enjoying yourself, stop being happy as you are because the child is so unhappy with herself.
I experienced all of these obnoxious, fucking bossy hissy fits & then some, and I also just said KNOCK IT OFF. You don’t get to control me. I like who I am. Your job is to like who you are, or become someone you can like. Without lying about or to yourself! Without drugs & surgery!
This is so true. At one stage I said thanks to my son for waking me up to life and forcing me to take charge of who I am and the power I have to fight and make change… I am much more fierce now. I’ve found strength I didn’t know I had.
Gary, interesting that you picked up on that. I had never heard of misophonia, so I had to look it up. Based on the definition. I think it’s a real thing. I don’t have it, but I had a girlfriend who definitely did. She broke up with somebody because the sound of their chewing put her in a rage.
Whew, as gripping the second time round as the first. What a rollercoaster. So glad the therapist was right and her case was mild enough to recover from without expatriating. And in the meantime your way with words has bandaged and carried many a wounded parental heart. I agree that God is nudging Gary to pick up the misophonia topic, but He’s sure been using your powerful voice in the trenches as well.
What a jam-packed piece of great writing. It’s like a guide book of every sinkhole a parent can expect to fall into when dealing with a gender-bedeviled kid.
Exulansic’s article is a highlight; thanks for the link. I was especially impressed by this bit, which really spoke to me:
“Gender, to put it bluntly, is a god that we are being ordered to worship, and whose most committed devotees physically sacrifice healthy sex organs to. I am frequently told that sex and gender are different concepts, but this contention is usually followed with a reference to a binary gender model which can be mismatched with a binary sex model to form a quaternary model wherein most people fall into the two functional configurations (“cis”) and a tragic few (“trans”) fall outside the functional configurations, and must therefore be converted at all costs, before they die at their own hands. This is the bill of goods I as an emotionally troubled young woman was sold, wrapped in medical-sounding language and delivered with a kiss.”
Well, that is profoundly true. Seems we’re always looking for some binary or other, to make things simpler. When I was a young dyke in the early 1970s, role playing was the cultural norm (that is literally what we called it, playing a role), and girls who were interested in me had to inquire, before the flirting got underway, “what are you?”. They meant, was I butch or femme? Pinky ring and a man’s wrist watch, short hair, swagger (it’s in the shoulders, someone said), no makeup, pants only, and button down shirts. Cigarettes optional but not frowned upon just yet. OK, that’s butch. You can figure out the femme. But I eschewed gender stereotypes. Hence, the common question: what ARE YOU?
Exulansic is right. Gender is a god we were ordered to worship. My shorthand version was that gender is tyrannical. It continues to be. We just can’t leave it alone. It makes so many important decisions for us, relieves us of having to find out who we are. Give me my uniform and tell me what to do, and who to love, and how to love, and who’s on top and who’s on the bottom. We do this shit to ourselves. Tyranny, inside and out.
Tyranny because god forbid we offend anyone with our inborn sin of
Privilege. And because maybe subconsciously they know that gender ideology has pulled the guardrails off reality and they can't handle it. Humans need boundaries. I haven't watched exulansic in a while but now I'm ready to revisit her content. Thanks for Your comment!
Scientology exists. Scientologists exist. Body thetans don't exist. Scientology has an e-meter that pretends to measure body thetans. No equivalent exists for gender identities. There is more actual empirical proof of body thetans than gender thetans. You can be a gender Scientologist if you want, dear, but we aren't going to start auditing with you.
I read this during my dark days when I had a “trans daughter”. I needed your sense of humor and your ability to precisely name each emotion in the war of restraint around the fury of what you really want to scream at them. It got me. It gets me. Yes, my son desisted when he got too close to the flame of actual hormones. I told him that he would be 200% responsible for whatever happened if he took them at 18. I said, “young people make huge mistakes, often they can be mistakes that alter the entire course of their lives- my 19 year old brother (your uncle) had a baby, your other uncle landed in prison for ten years, my high school friend became paraplegic after drunk driving at age 17. Do whatever you are going to do with your body! I’m done! These are your mistakes to make! I have nothing to do with it anymore! You’re 18 and the stupid state of California and Kaiser will give you the drugs against all rational medical science! I’m soooooo done!” I got out of the car and slammed the garage door. It went something like that. A few weeks later he desisted. It helped that by that time his dad was on board, telling him that you don’t get to change your “sex” until you’ve actually had sex. “You need to f#&$ before you know what the hell you’re doing!” I like to think that that was the fatherly message he needed to hear, to actually manage to get a sex life before forfeiting it to an imaginary identity in which he could get likes and clicks on the internet. I f’ing hate this cult.
Beautiful 🙌🏼 sometimes I think it's us blowing up that they really need and even crave. Boundaries are love even if our kids can't articulate it. I am with you 100%. Thanks for sharing it here.
Sasha and Mrs: love you girlies. I said the same thing to my unicorn, so she got a bf and discovered the joys of heterosex, but decided not to do the rest of the math because that would reveal she’s a normal woman (like me? Shivers.) Mrs, you got a mention in my post today! Xox
Heading over!
Me too!
epic
I remember this one! Mostly because of the misophonia mention. And now that you've reposted it, it's got me thinking. Stephanie Winn recently posted on 'X' asking people if they believe misophonia is real. I have a draft I started a loooong time ago about misophonia, because it's something I have experienced for years. The piece compares misophonia to 'misgendering'. Is this a sign I should finish that piece?! Also, curious if Miss Miller still claims to have misophonia.
She has not mentioned it in over a year I think. She used to implore me not to run the washing machine before 9AM because of the sound but most of the time she has no idea she sleeps through it. Definitely write your piece Gary! It's a sign from God.
Misphonia, annoyance at anything mothers say or sing or chew—these are all just fake-medical pretexts for telling mothers to STFU, stop enjoying yourself, stop being happy as you are because the child is so unhappy with herself.
I experienced all of these obnoxious, fucking bossy hissy fits & then some, and I also just said KNOCK IT OFF. You don’t get to control me. I like who I am. Your job is to like who you are, or become someone you can like. Without lying about or to yourself! Without drugs & surgery!
Ha yes! I finally became that badder asser version of my best self. Thank fucking god.
This is so true. At one stage I said thanks to my son for waking me up to life and forcing me to take charge of who I am and the power I have to fight and make change… I am much more fierce now. I’ve found strength I didn’t know I had.
Right on.
Gary, interesting that you picked up on that. I had never heard of misophonia, so I had to look it up. Based on the definition. I think it’s a real thing. I don’t have it, but I had a girlfriend who definitely did. She broke up with somebody because the sound of their chewing put her in a rage.
Whew, as gripping the second time round as the first. What a rollercoaster. So glad the therapist was right and her case was mild enough to recover from without expatriating. And in the meantime your way with words has bandaged and carried many a wounded parental heart. I agree that God is nudging Gary to pick up the misophonia topic, but He’s sure been using your powerful voice in the trenches as well.
What a jam-packed piece of great writing. It’s like a guide book of every sinkhole a parent can expect to fall into when dealing with a gender-bedeviled kid.
Exulansic’s article is a highlight; thanks for the link. I was especially impressed by this bit, which really spoke to me:
“Gender, to put it bluntly, is a god that we are being ordered to worship, and whose most committed devotees physically sacrifice healthy sex organs to. I am frequently told that sex and gender are different concepts, but this contention is usually followed with a reference to a binary gender model which can be mismatched with a binary sex model to form a quaternary model wherein most people fall into the two functional configurations (“cis”) and a tragic few (“trans”) fall outside the functional configurations, and must therefore be converted at all costs, before they die at their own hands. This is the bill of goods I as an emotionally troubled young woman was sold, wrapped in medical-sounding language and delivered with a kiss.”
Well, that is profoundly true. Seems we’re always looking for some binary or other, to make things simpler. When I was a young dyke in the early 1970s, role playing was the cultural norm (that is literally what we called it, playing a role), and girls who were interested in me had to inquire, before the flirting got underway, “what are you?”. They meant, was I butch or femme? Pinky ring and a man’s wrist watch, short hair, swagger (it’s in the shoulders, someone said), no makeup, pants only, and button down shirts. Cigarettes optional but not frowned upon just yet. OK, that’s butch. You can figure out the femme. But I eschewed gender stereotypes. Hence, the common question: what ARE YOU?
Exulansic is right. Gender is a god we were ordered to worship. My shorthand version was that gender is tyrannical. It continues to be. We just can’t leave it alone. It makes so many important decisions for us, relieves us of having to find out who we are. Give me my uniform and tell me what to do, and who to love, and how to love, and who’s on top and who’s on the bottom. We do this shit to ourselves. Tyranny, inside and out.
Tyranny because god forbid we offend anyone with our inborn sin of
Privilege. And because maybe subconsciously they know that gender ideology has pulled the guardrails off reality and they can't handle it. Humans need boundaries. I haven't watched exulansic in a while but now I'm ready to revisit her content. Thanks for Your comment!
"You don't want trans people to exist!"
Scientology exists. Scientologists exist. Body thetans don't exist. Scientology has an e-meter that pretends to measure body thetans. No equivalent exists for gender identities. There is more actual empirical proof of body thetans than gender thetans. You can be a gender Scientologist if you want, dear, but we aren't going to start auditing with you.
A million likes for this analogy, Matt. 😘