How Divisive Our Dynamic
How Divisive Our Dynamic
Continued chronicles of my leftist defection
When I have a heated debate, shards of the conversation replay at odd moments, memory scraps that zip through my brain uninvited. The rest of the matter falls away and I’m left with two or three echoes that worm their way to relevance, to be picked over like a carcass in the woods.
One of those worms was when Mr Miller said Imane Khelif was born female. It surprised me to hear that my husband believed that. It went against what I know to be his levelheadedness about the gender ideology issue that we’ve been discussing since 2022. And it reminded me of his skepticism of Jamie Reed, the self-described “queer” whistleblower profiled in The Free Press in 2023.
That he would take such a pro-ideological stance on these issues concerns me. Defending a male boxer who punches women in the face is not what I want to hear from my husband. Likewise, believing that Jamie Reed may have had ulterior, self-serving reasons for calling out the horrific medical treatment of children under the guise of healthcare is, well, chilling.
And I find myself asking, how is it that the left has cornered the market on “kindness?”
Oh yeah, by decrying the other side as white supremacists.
Mr Miller understands the relevance of chronicling our marital struggles in light of my leftist defection when the rest of the family haven’t significantly shifted their views. As long as I treat him respectfully here. He did read my last essay and wasn’t thrilled, but also didn’t demand that I delete it.
That is true democracy.
After our debate, though, he grew despondent. His guilt, he told me, was over his negative judgment of me—my beliefs. He couldn’t sleep. We agreed the next day that this is the most strained our 29-year marriage has ever been, and for the longest stretch of time.
And he requested we stop talking politics. Officially. It’s not his cuppa in the best of times, partly because in his view there’s nothing anyone can do about the corrupt political landscape, and who knows what’s true anyway.
I agreed to his request, but not about what’s true. Since leaving the left, facts of many matters have aligned with reporting from the right side of the aisle, and that’s why I haven’t backtracked, at all.
What started with my turning to the right’s reporting on detransitioners has grown into an endless list of matters that the left won’t touch, covers up, or outright lies about, all while smearing the opponent. In no particular order and off the top of my head, accompanied by each term’s Google result I give you…
Feel free to chime in with your additions in the comments. And here’s another version of lies the left sells, to explain the exodus of LGBT folks from the Democrat party, by Arielle Scarcella—
It strikes me as well that since I started listening to conservative (and conservative-adjacent voices), there are SO MANY who command respect with their clarity, precision, wisdom and intelligence: Thomas Sowell of course, Walter Williams, Ben Shapiro, Megyn Kelly, Charlie Kirk, Douglas Murray, Andrew Doyle, Jordan Peterson, Ayaan Hirsi Ali, Yeonmi Park, Xi Van Fleet, Mosab Hassan Yousef, Larry Elder, Amala Ekpunobi, Brett Cooper, Konstantin Kisin, Piers Morgan, Michael Shellenberger, Matt Taibi, Victor Davis Hanson, Tulsi Gabbard, Bret Weinstein, Peter Boghossian, James Lindsay, Abigail Shrier…I could keep going!
Mr. Miller told me that his news sources are just two—one definitively left-leaning and the other definitively anti-Trump—which I shall refrain from naming. He is not obsessed with the political landscape, the election or the culture wars. He’s actively avoiding all of it for his own sanity, while I keep shoveling it in front of his face. Ergo, he has a right to be peeved with me and to be sad for how divisive our dynamic gets, again and again. And he has every right to his preferences and to spend his time how he sees fit. So my job is to respect this boundary and I appreciate him setting it explicitly.
But…
It’s lonely to travel this path without him by my side. It’s been such a huge education—a wild ride—and I relish learning about topics I never spent a lot of time considering before—politics, history, society—and discovering so much about the world.
It’s high time to cultivate some hobbies the hubby and I can enjoy together. Bushcraft perhaps… Nascar, rodeos, target practice…
Yeehaw!
🤠
The problem I'm having, and maybe someone can help me, is that I'm beginning to severely dislike people I have liked and even loved my entire life. I have taken myself off of FB and Instagram because of posts like "If you believe X, Y and Z you're an idiot, racist, blah blah blah." I don't care if people disagree with me, but it's the name calling right away. Is our friendship just over? I don't want it to be, but maybe people grow up and grow apart and I should just leave it at that.
Mrs. Miller, I hope you can get back to a place of peace.
I think it’s admirable that you both agreed to stop doing the thing that disrupts your marriage. After all, isn’t that exactly the thing this system is designed to do? Cause anger, disruption, disenfranchise and create division among all of us? We are easier to control that way, as we become more isolated, feeling adrift in our own convictions.
Mainstream media is very persuasive and has also been designed to conjoin our politics with our personal identities. And no one wants to be a Trump loving, maga white supremacist racist. A good person will defy all logic and intuitive thought when faced with that as a consequence.
I recently read that the entire scope is designed to corral us into one way of thinking. The normal, moderate, logical and critical thinkers are demonized as fascist right wingers so that the far left appears moderate instead of far left. The “Trump” candidate resonates with the logical then turns that faction into racists, fascist monsters so that anyone having an identity crisis seeks refuge with the “other” candidate, completely irrespective of that party’s reputation or platform.
There are only ever two “sides” which is conceptually ridiculous if you stop and think. We are being led by our noses.
I spent years leaning “right” but feeling oddly demonized and guilty for seeing through the left’s deception and being regarded as an ugly thinker. I couldn’t figure it out and constantly self-analyzed and reflected. But now I believe they are ALL part of a bigger power play and I refuse to call myself anything, to fit into their binary boxes. People make assumptions about me if I give my opinion, but are surprised at my non-party position which has no place in the game. That also makes people angry. You either pick their side or you’re an enemy.
Mr. Miller is right about (at least) one thing: nothing you discuss or are angry about or what you stand for will change any of this. You are only spitting in the wind. Even voting is bullshit (not the concept but the reality). The best way through this is quietly, stealthily and strategically navigating all the pitfalls to the best of your ability and taking care of family business-make sure you don’t let them take that away from you. Create the atmosphere, memories and survival skills that best serve you all.