You know you can color your own hair right? If I lived closer I would show you. For $13 and being able to do it in your own home… priceless. You can get shit done while the dye sits on your head. I am brunette and my best friend clued me in 10 years ago. Unless you are blond(a little less forgiving) it is easy.
I know too well, OW! I used to do it all the time until I got too fast and loose with bleach and messed it up. I promised I'd never do it again. Believe me I am tempted galore to head to Sally Beauty for some decent brown-black semi- or demi-permanent dye and call it a day. But God forbid i mess it up again I'll be furious with myself. But now that I've typed this to you, I'm thinking, when do they open? It's not like I'm bleaching it again... Hmm...
1. I react to the same things you do. Hello, cPTSD and being a woman or a homeaux.
2. Your hairdresser is balls and she doesn't know what she's talking about. Ashy toner IS what you use to cancel out orange and brass. I used to get my own darkest brown thick hair to level 10 with a platinum toner. It literally looked like silver white hair.
I wish we could hop over to Sally Beauty. I'll do your fuckin' hair right.
I stopped coloring my hair about 10ish years ago and it was the best decision ever. Instead of paying $$$ every 8 weeks to cover the gray, I now splurge on a good cut when I need it. It was a long weird process but I am delighted with how much nicer my hair looks without all the chemicals. Yeah, it’s all gray, daughters call it silver so that’s cool. Perhaps you are young enough to still GAF about such things, no judgement here. It was my own little FU to the beauty industrial complex. It helps that I don’t have a public facing job. Also, husband thinks saving money is sexy so… there’s that. I love your vision of the house by the lake: Have dog, will travel.
I wanted to be gray but I'm nowhere near that look-- #silverfox! so I added highlights and money pieces. Then over the summer miss miller taught me about bleach baths and I thought, COOL! So I tried it but it went orange, and the pros have been failing to fix it ever since. I think maybe I finally learned my lesson. Something about banging your head against a wall hoping for a different outcome... 🤔 I'm threatening to shave it off but then I'll look like a 4B lunatic. Lmao.
If you do shave your head you’ll also need the obligatory septum piercing to complete the look. If either of my daughters wanted to talk about /participate in hair , makeup or fashion with me, I would probably be willing to do whatever they suggested. I am not particularly interested in “the girly things” but it kills me a little that both my girls are naturally gorgeous with the slim/strong body type (I would have killed for as a short busty teen) that can wear anything, and big sister chooses to dress like a 13 yo boy.
I kind of like septum piercings. Not bull rings but the thin gold that hugs up close. Miss miller has wanted one for years. Mister hates them though and forbids us lol.
Funny, before reading this, while swimming laps, I was composing a line to a story about my trajectory through hair stylists in NYC. The first stylist in the story (this is true) chopped something in a weird way, and when I pointed it out, he said, "You can always come back and get it fixed."
So I never went back, of course.
Three hundred dollars is a lot of money. Sorry about that!
I was kicked out of my (Bed-Stuy Brooklyn) salon for saying that I do not agree with transgenderism. On the day of the appointment, the stylist called to say that she can't serve me because of her "trans" friends.
I went to another salon, and got a good cut, but while trying to make "light" conversation, I somehow mentioned that my partner and I haven't stepped out the door together in seven years. "So you're leaving right? Because you're not HAPP _EHHHHHEEEYYYY?"
"Not leaving," I said. "Because I'd be homeless, because I was even unhappier at the job I lost."
Since losing that job, I cannot afford a 100+ haircut, really, so I went the Groupon route, and wound up in a Chinese salon with a translator. I told the translator what I wanted, she told the stylist, and nary a word was spoken after that.
BEST HAIRCUT I HAVE EVER GOTTEN IN NEW YORK.
Another bit on accountability:
At the low-rent supermarket yesterday, my groceries are lying at the end of the counter. There's no one behind me. The cashier just stands there, looking at me, looking at the groceries.
"What is your policy on bagging groceries?" I asked.
"What?"
"What is your policy on bagging groceries?" I nod at the next cashier, bagging a customer's groceries.
"It's not my job," she said.
"Really?"
"Yeah, really. But if you give me your bag, I will do it, even though it's not my job."
"Oh, I have to give you the bag, I see...." (can't reach for bag, show any customer service, that is up to ME. Got it).
Later, musing on my time working as a cashier, and how it never would have occurred to me to leave a customer standing there with a pile of goods to bag.
“my groceries are lying at the end of the counter”
Ahhhhhh, how wonderfully refreshing. And I thought that my spouse and I were the last people in America to (correctly) use “lie” instead of “lay”. It’s nice to see that we’re not entirely alone. Pedantic, maybe, but it just sounds better.
Mrs Miller…you have the best way of putting the everyday trials of the common woman into such delightful perspective. I know that say “it’s only hair, it will grow out”, but when it’s yours it’s way more than just “hair”. It would be nice if one’s bank account wasn’t reduced in the process.
Oh my lord - you are speaking to me and every woman in the U.S., pointing out the defensiveness in the salon community. I suppose they get attacked a lot, so that's why they immediately get defensive instead of taking some responsibility. But wow -- it's just so hard to find someone to get the color right!! And what's crazy is that, every time I find someone who can do a decent job with color, they can't cut my hair to save their life.
As for advice on what to do... at the very least, do not go back to that place.
Re: "expecting people to have integrity, even when they proclaim to have loads." I picked up something from Brant Hansen's book "Unoffendable": When people do something that falls short of my expectations, I now tend to say, "of course they did." And then I adjust accordingly (don't trust them again, for example; leave an honest/non-emotional review for others, and try to make sure I do my due diligence checking references in the future, and making sure I don't do those sorts of things myself, etc. etc.).
But I try not to feel personally outraged or shocked by them falling short, because.... people fall short. It's what humans do. "Of course they did."
Well, you stole my fantasy. Communal living with other sane women and lots and lots of dogs. On a lake sounds perfect. I'm in after my separation, when my mother dies, and when my beloved dog Butters is no longer with me. I'm guessing it'll be about 7 or 8 years before this happens and I am done grieving my beloved dog. Count me in.
> "Today is 94 days sober. I’ll have tea instead."
👍 Congrats. 🙂 Reminds me of a quip from the drug culture of how a cocaine addition is a sign of having too much money. 🙂 In the context of big league basketball players if I remember correctly.
Similarly, the quip that for alcoholics one drink is too many and one hundred aren't enough. Seem to recollect it was used in "Looking for Mr. Goodbar" with Diane Keaton though it was "one man" and not "one drink" for her -- with fatal results. Something of a modern tragedy.
The no charge fix from the current stylist makes rational sense on paper but you'll start talking to her and 3 hours later you'll be ready to give her another chance and she'll mess up again. Better to ask around, find someone good, and pay them to fix it and then they will know your hair. Agreed, $300 is a lot but you need to get out of an unhealthy relationship with an incompetent hairdresser who is ruining your hair. Do whatever you have to do to get out.
Elise, when you pay people for doing a bad job, that's called positive reinforcement. The likelihood increases that your colorist will do an even worse job next time, plus throw in some new excuses and lies to see if you'll tip her extra. This is the definition of a sado-masochistic relationship.
If it were me, I wouldn't give that grifter another penny, and would either do it myself or stop doing it entirely. But that's just me.
You know you can color your own hair right? If I lived closer I would show you. For $13 and being able to do it in your own home… priceless. You can get shit done while the dye sits on your head. I am brunette and my best friend clued me in 10 years ago. Unless you are blond(a little less forgiving) it is easy.
I know too well, OW! I used to do it all the time until I got too fast and loose with bleach and messed it up. I promised I'd never do it again. Believe me I am tempted galore to head to Sally Beauty for some decent brown-black semi- or demi-permanent dye and call it a day. But God forbid i mess it up again I'll be furious with myself. But now that I've typed this to you, I'm thinking, when do they open? It's not like I'm bleaching it again... Hmm...
Do it.
Take charge of your hair. It can't really be much worse, right?
I'm going to see if the owner will do it. I will invariably do a worse job. Then I'll be double screwed.
Get another colorist!
ON IT!
As a male who is currently sporting no hair at all, but who once had hair down past my shoulder blades, I concur.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice... Won't be fooled again.
1. I react to the same things you do. Hello, cPTSD and being a woman or a homeaux.
2. Your hairdresser is balls and she doesn't know what she's talking about. Ashy toner IS what you use to cancel out orange and brass. I used to get my own darkest brown thick hair to level 10 with a platinum toner. It literally looked like silver white hair.
I wish we could hop over to Sally Beauty. I'll do your fuckin' hair right.
Ugh yesss
Like, why is she so STOOPID
Omg she spent a half hour complaining about the bartender who was mean to her the night before. So many levels. Like who's the client here.
My diagnosin' finger is get rull itchy.
Sadly, we all want people to be accountable but the only person we can count on is ourselves!
WORD.
I stopped coloring my hair about 10ish years ago and it was the best decision ever. Instead of paying $$$ every 8 weeks to cover the gray, I now splurge on a good cut when I need it. It was a long weird process but I am delighted with how much nicer my hair looks without all the chemicals. Yeah, it’s all gray, daughters call it silver so that’s cool. Perhaps you are young enough to still GAF about such things, no judgement here. It was my own little FU to the beauty industrial complex. It helps that I don’t have a public facing job. Also, husband thinks saving money is sexy so… there’s that. I love your vision of the house by the lake: Have dog, will travel.
I wanted to be gray but I'm nowhere near that look-- #silverfox! so I added highlights and money pieces. Then over the summer miss miller taught me about bleach baths and I thought, COOL! So I tried it but it went orange, and the pros have been failing to fix it ever since. I think maybe I finally learned my lesson. Something about banging your head against a wall hoping for a different outcome... 🤔 I'm threatening to shave it off but then I'll look like a 4B lunatic. Lmao.
If you do shave your head you’ll also need the obligatory septum piercing to complete the look. If either of my daughters wanted to talk about /participate in hair , makeup or fashion with me, I would probably be willing to do whatever they suggested. I am not particularly interested in “the girly things” but it kills me a little that both my girls are naturally gorgeous with the slim/strong body type (I would have killed for as a short busty teen) that can wear anything, and big sister chooses to dress like a 13 yo boy.
I kind of like septum piercings. Not bull rings but the thin gold that hugs up close. Miss miller has wanted one for years. Mister hates them though and forbids us lol.
Funny, before reading this, while swimming laps, I was composing a line to a story about my trajectory through hair stylists in NYC. The first stylist in the story (this is true) chopped something in a weird way, and when I pointed it out, he said, "You can always come back and get it fixed."
So I never went back, of course.
Three hundred dollars is a lot of money. Sorry about that!
I was kicked out of my (Bed-Stuy Brooklyn) salon for saying that I do not agree with transgenderism. On the day of the appointment, the stylist called to say that she can't serve me because of her "trans" friends.
I went to another salon, and got a good cut, but while trying to make "light" conversation, I somehow mentioned that my partner and I haven't stepped out the door together in seven years. "So you're leaving right? Because you're not HAPP _EHHHHHEEEYYYY?"
"Not leaving," I said. "Because I'd be homeless, because I was even unhappier at the job I lost."
Since losing that job, I cannot afford a 100+ haircut, really, so I went the Groupon route, and wound up in a Chinese salon with a translator. I told the translator what I wanted, she told the stylist, and nary a word was spoken after that.
BEST HAIRCUT I HAVE EVER GOTTEN IN NEW YORK.
Another bit on accountability:
At the low-rent supermarket yesterday, my groceries are lying at the end of the counter. There's no one behind me. The cashier just stands there, looking at me, looking at the groceries.
"What is your policy on bagging groceries?" I asked.
"What?"
"What is your policy on bagging groceries?" I nod at the next cashier, bagging a customer's groceries.
"It's not my job," she said.
"Really?"
"Yeah, really. But if you give me your bag, I will do it, even though it's not my job."
"Oh, I have to give you the bag, I see...." (can't reach for bag, show any customer service, that is up to ME. Got it).
Later, musing on my time working as a cashier, and how it never would have occurred to me to leave a customer standing there with a pile of goods to bag.
“my groceries are lying at the end of the counter”
Ahhhhhh, how wonderfully refreshing. And I thought that my spouse and I were the last people in America to (correctly) use “lie” instead of “lay”. It’s nice to see that we’re not entirely alone. Pedantic, maybe, but it just sounds better.
Mrs Miller…you have the best way of putting the everyday trials of the common woman into such delightful perspective. I know that say “it’s only hair, it will grow out”, but when it’s yours it’s way more than just “hair”. It would be nice if one’s bank account wasn’t reduced in the process.
Oh my lord - you are speaking to me and every woman in the U.S., pointing out the defensiveness in the salon community. I suppose they get attacked a lot, so that's why they immediately get defensive instead of taking some responsibility. But wow -- it's just so hard to find someone to get the color right!! And what's crazy is that, every time I find someone who can do a decent job with color, they can't cut my hair to save their life.
As for advice on what to do... at the very least, do not go back to that place.
Re: "expecting people to have integrity, even when they proclaim to have loads." I picked up something from Brant Hansen's book "Unoffendable": When people do something that falls short of my expectations, I now tend to say, "of course they did." And then I adjust accordingly (don't trust them again, for example; leave an honest/non-emotional review for others, and try to make sure I do my due diligence checking references in the future, and making sure I don't do those sorts of things myself, etc. etc.).
But I try not to feel personally outraged or shocked by them falling short, because.... people fall short. It's what humans do. "Of course they did."
Of course they did. Words to live by. I use it on myself too. Of course I lose my mind. Of
Course I'm not getting through to these people. Of course I'm drafting a one star yelp review in my head. Thank you!!! 🙏🏼
Well, you stole my fantasy. Communal living with other sane women and lots and lots of dogs. On a lake sounds perfect. I'm in after my separation, when my mother dies, and when my beloved dog Butters is no longer with me. I'm guessing it'll be about 7 or 8 years before this happens and I am done grieving my beloved dog. Count me in.
YESSSSS 🙌🏻
Those first three paragraphs made my heart do a happy dance.💓 You're speaking my language, girlfriend—love it! And you. Keep going.😘🥰😇
I had a feeling! 💝💝💝
> "Today is 94 days sober. I’ll have tea instead."
👍 Congrats. 🙂 Reminds me of a quip from the drug culture of how a cocaine addition is a sign of having too much money. 🙂 In the context of big league basketball players if I remember correctly.
Similarly, the quip that for alcoholics one drink is too many and one hundred aren't enough. Seem to recollect it was used in "Looking for Mr. Goodbar" with Diane Keaton though it was "one man" and not "one drink" for her -- with fatal results. Something of a modern tragedy.
I still have not seen that movie.
It's time to find another hairdresser.
The no charge fix from the current stylist makes rational sense on paper but you'll start talking to her and 3 hours later you'll be ready to give her another chance and she'll mess up again. Better to ask around, find someone good, and pay them to fix it and then they will know your hair. Agreed, $300 is a lot but you need to get out of an unhealthy relationship with an incompetent hairdresser who is ruining your hair. Do whatever you have to do to get out.
"Perseverate"? Must be a former psych major! And thanks for teaching me a new word.
As for accountability - remember that Responsibility is Freedom's homely twin.
Be glad you only screwed up your hair and not your tits? Hair will grow back.
Just watched the new Daily Wire movie (free until the end of today everybody!) and there were so many shots of girls and women without them. 😢
Are talking about Identity Crisis? I only see the trailer...ah I found it. On X.
https://x.com/TPUSA
Thanks. I'm almost done. Found it.
Oh I thought of that too! Those of us lucky enough to get a do-over. What a profound difference.
Elise, when you pay people for doing a bad job, that's called positive reinforcement. The likelihood increases that your colorist will do an even worse job next time, plus throw in some new excuses and lies to see if you'll tip her extra. This is the definition of a sado-masochistic relationship.
If it were me, I wouldn't give that grifter another penny, and would either do it myself or stop doing it entirely. But that's just me.
Happy New Year, Mrs. Miller.
Yeah I came around to a similar conclusion and canceled my correction appointment.
We are awesome.