Ah Mrs Miller!!! I have some thoughts but I’ll just share this one briefly…trust your love and understanding for one another above all. Detach yourself from taking his opinions personally and add levity to the mix, add humor between you to not take yourselves so seriously!!!!! And I speak from a blue that’s also been red pilled and I’m with a centrist guy whom I adore. I also have two trans identified daughters one of whom has cut her healthy breasts off at 19 years old just a month ago, so I hear you!!!!!
Thanks Sam! When is our podcast? Seriously, it's so so good to meet someone in the same boat. But more than any of that, I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter! You sound strong and resilient! What is your secret? Everything you mentioned I imagine!
I would love a podcast with you. So many of your writings I relate to and speak to me. I’ve actually not started much of a substack on this issue because you write it for me haha! Something deep within me changed when all of this went down over 3 years ago. And it has changed my marriage for the better… much much better. It’s the silver lining in an otherwise completely horrific scenario. But seriously, when can we talk???
My goodness, this is - word for word - conversations I have had with my husband. Thank you for this, feels good to marinate in the fact that this might be more common than I ever imagined.
Now I'm even happier I posted it. Thank you for saying that, Tania. It's so lonely isn't it, when you can't even have a satisfying google for what ails you. It's psychological constipation. How many more of us are there? We need a tropical retreat!
I think it's very hard to live in harmony with someone who has a completely different world view than you do. It's not just "politics"--it's an awakening that explains not so much what is "wrong" with the left, but the fact that all of it has all been a deliberate ruse/operation/propaganda. He's still in and you are out. But love is still love--perhaps you will have a chance to build on that more when it's just the two of you. Always rooting for you!
Thanks so much AL! You summed it up beautifully. It's not just politics. It's world view. Plus the added complication/irony that he believes the same is true of me—that I'm the duped sucker. So we've developed disdain for each other—never healthy in a marriage. We both have work to do on that front. Anyway thanks again!!
My heart aches for the hurt and frustration you're feeling. And it also swells with admiration for the fact you can end a grievance post (so to speak) by cataloguing what you appreciate and admire about your hubby. Talk about resilience. . .
You ask "what will it take to heal this divide?" Who knows if that particular one *can* be healed, or even bridged. But for sure continuing to foster gratitude and appreciation for each other will strengthen your bond, maybe even strengthen you both in a willingness to put politics aside in your relationship. I think it's generally true that whatever one focuses attention on, expands; maybe leaving politics at the door of your marriage will open sacred space for connecting beyond the color-coded world of blue/red/rainbow. It sure sounds like you see plenty to love despite his politics and he feels the same way about you. Perhaps you two can choose the road less traveled in these hard-hearted, heartbreaking times and make a pact to kick your politics to your respective curbs. Clear the path in front of you to walk together arm in arm, step for step. I bet you’ll both be happier in the end. 😘❤️❤️
Appreciate you Leah. The thing is, we actively avoid political discussions. There are just these land mines everywhere. A comedy video that mentions trans I thought would be something we could easily share a laugh about but that proved not to be the case because he dismissed it out of hand. Then I got angry. Then we wound up in that same old shitty place. He knows it's his fight at this point to not lose me because of his knee-jerk dickishness. I guess I'm not feeling the love right now! 😂
Ah. Got it. I think maybe I misread you in two directions.¯\_(ツ)_/¯ In any case, if he follows your blog maybe he'll see what he missed. You're quite good at demonstrating the use of humor to help restore equilibrium.
Oy. Well, we're all walking our own paths and some people stumble into reality sooner than others. Have you seen this viral video? Gives hope, especially given how many of the commenters say "yeah, me too!"
My wife's turned progressive while I've become [even] more libertarian. When we talk ideology one or the other of us inevitably yells or screams. We do better looking for workable solutions. And best when we find ways to laugh at the world and ourselves. Love works best when you expect the world of each other but don't demand it. 55 years and counting.
I don't mind screaming or yelling, at least it's more honest than dismissal and condescension which builds resentment. but I agree regarding expectations and demands. Very well put. And please share your workable solutions, besides the laughing at ourselves and the world. We do that too. there's always laughter. one must never forget laughter.
You're a much better person than me Mrs Miller. How do you hold your anger in at the obvious gas lighting and mind games. If ANY girl was doing that to me they'd be gone. You deserve better in my eyes. I hope you have a nice weekend.
It's the 28 years we've been married. It's being 54 and financially dependent. It's the faith that we'll get through it. It's the kids. But I have the same thoughts as you for sure and I appreciate your support, V!
Mrs Miller, I understand you very well. I, too, have switched political sides, although upon further reflection that is not quite true. The Democrats did an about-face on me! I have always been a person who has valued common sense, logic, and facts. In the late 1990s and early 2000s, the Democrats seemed to be the party to represent me the most. In comparison to the Labour Party in the UK, they seemed downright moderate and centrist. In the UK, I voted Tory, and in Europe, I would never have classified myself as somebody who belongs to the political left. I did not change my views; I am still rational and focused on common sense. It's the Democratic Party that moved so far to the left that I suddenly find myself in the Republican camp. It took some time to get used to this, and I still don't see myself as a typical Republican. I am pro choice, have three passports, speak four languages, have two master's degrees, and have travelled to more than 25 countries. I am not narrow-minded at all, and I am not anti-science. The trans ideology is anti-science, because it's a biological fact that humans are either male or female with the exception of a few unlucky individuals who suffer from chromosomal defects that give them unusual combinations (Klinefelter Syndrome with XXY chromosomes comes to mind), we are a dimorphic species. Full stop, end of story. Fortunately, my husband has always been conservative himself, so we agree on all important issues.
You can get through this, and he may even come to understand how right you are if he starts educating himself about this ideology and the actors behind it. Best wishes and good luck to you!
Ah Mrs Miller!!! I have some thoughts but I’ll just share this one briefly…trust your love and understanding for one another above all. Detach yourself from taking his opinions personally and add levity to the mix, add humor between you to not take yourselves so seriously!!!!! And I speak from a blue that’s also been red pilled and I’m with a centrist guy whom I adore. I also have two trans identified daughters one of whom has cut her healthy breasts off at 19 years old just a month ago, so I hear you!!!!!
Thanks Sam! When is our podcast? Seriously, it's so so good to meet someone in the same boat. But more than any of that, I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter! You sound strong and resilient! What is your secret? Everything you mentioned I imagine!
I would love a podcast with you. So many of your writings I relate to and speak to me. I’ve actually not started much of a substack on this issue because you write it for me haha! Something deep within me changed when all of this went down over 3 years ago. And it has changed my marriage for the better… much much better. It’s the silver lining in an otherwise completely horrific scenario. But seriously, when can we talk???
did you get my email?
Yes! I replied
Wow, I admire that you can persevere, much less with humor! I wish I had that strength of character.
My goodness, this is - word for word - conversations I have had with my husband. Thank you for this, feels good to marinate in the fact that this might be more common than I ever imagined.
Now I'm even happier I posted it. Thank you for saying that, Tania. It's so lonely isn't it, when you can't even have a satisfying google for what ails you. It's psychological constipation. How many more of us are there? We need a tropical retreat!
I think it's very hard to live in harmony with someone who has a completely different world view than you do. It's not just "politics"--it's an awakening that explains not so much what is "wrong" with the left, but the fact that all of it has all been a deliberate ruse/operation/propaganda. He's still in and you are out. But love is still love--perhaps you will have a chance to build on that more when it's just the two of you. Always rooting for you!
Thanks so much AL! You summed it up beautifully. It's not just politics. It's world view. Plus the added complication/irony that he believes the same is true of me—that I'm the duped sucker. So we've developed disdain for each other—never healthy in a marriage. We both have work to do on that front. Anyway thanks again!!
My heart aches for the hurt and frustration you're feeling. And it also swells with admiration for the fact you can end a grievance post (so to speak) by cataloguing what you appreciate and admire about your hubby. Talk about resilience. . .
You ask "what will it take to heal this divide?" Who knows if that particular one *can* be healed, or even bridged. But for sure continuing to foster gratitude and appreciation for each other will strengthen your bond, maybe even strengthen you both in a willingness to put politics aside in your relationship. I think it's generally true that whatever one focuses attention on, expands; maybe leaving politics at the door of your marriage will open sacred space for connecting beyond the color-coded world of blue/red/rainbow. It sure sounds like you see plenty to love despite his politics and he feels the same way about you. Perhaps you two can choose the road less traveled in these hard-hearted, heartbreaking times and make a pact to kick your politics to your respective curbs. Clear the path in front of you to walk together arm in arm, step for step. I bet you’ll both be happier in the end. 😘❤️❤️
Appreciate you Leah. The thing is, we actively avoid political discussions. There are just these land mines everywhere. A comedy video that mentions trans I thought would be something we could easily share a laugh about but that proved not to be the case because he dismissed it out of hand. Then I got angry. Then we wound up in that same old shitty place. He knows it's his fight at this point to not lose me because of his knee-jerk dickishness. I guess I'm not feeling the love right now! 😂
Ah. Got it. I think maybe I misread you in two directions.¯\_(ツ)_/¯ In any case, if he follows your blog maybe he'll see what he missed. You're quite good at demonstrating the use of humor to help restore equilibrium.
No worries. And he unsubscribed because it was too maddening for him! 😂
Oy. Well, we're all walking our own paths and some people stumble into reality sooner than others. Have you seen this viral video? Gives hope, especially given how many of the commenters say "yeah, me too!"
https://www.tiktok.com/@jadedwithjay/video/7331209088036293934
Omg chills! Thanks for the link! What a treasure!
My wife's turned progressive while I've become [even] more libertarian. When we talk ideology one or the other of us inevitably yells or screams. We do better looking for workable solutions. And best when we find ways to laugh at the world and ourselves. Love works best when you expect the world of each other but don't demand it. 55 years and counting.
I don't mind screaming or yelling, at least it's more honest than dismissal and condescension which builds resentment. but I agree regarding expectations and demands. Very well put. And please share your workable solutions, besides the laughing at ourselves and the world. We do that too. there's always laughter. one must never forget laughter.
You're a much better person than me Mrs Miller. How do you hold your anger in at the obvious gas lighting and mind games. If ANY girl was doing that to me they'd be gone. You deserve better in my eyes. I hope you have a nice weekend.
It's the 28 years we've been married. It's being 54 and financially dependent. It's the faith that we'll get through it. It's the kids. But I have the same thoughts as you for sure and I appreciate your support, V!
I hope you’re right but at least you know you’ve got folks on here who will listen and have your back.
that's why i do what i do! but yeah, keep the guest room ready! I love the UK.
I’ll take you to HP world 😂
oh dear lord. lol
Why is the left or people on the left so unbearably judgmental?
i think humans are judgmental. that might be a pre political characteristic. but there is a moral superiority on the left or damn sure!
Mrs Miller, I understand you very well. I, too, have switched political sides, although upon further reflection that is not quite true. The Democrats did an about-face on me! I have always been a person who has valued common sense, logic, and facts. In the late 1990s and early 2000s, the Democrats seemed to be the party to represent me the most. In comparison to the Labour Party in the UK, they seemed downright moderate and centrist. In the UK, I voted Tory, and in Europe, I would never have classified myself as somebody who belongs to the political left. I did not change my views; I am still rational and focused on common sense. It's the Democratic Party that moved so far to the left that I suddenly find myself in the Republican camp. It took some time to get used to this, and I still don't see myself as a typical Republican. I am pro choice, have three passports, speak four languages, have two master's degrees, and have travelled to more than 25 countries. I am not narrow-minded at all, and I am not anti-science. The trans ideology is anti-science, because it's a biological fact that humans are either male or female with the exception of a few unlucky individuals who suffer from chromosomal defects that give them unusual combinations (Klinefelter Syndrome with XXY chromosomes comes to mind), we are a dimorphic species. Full stop, end of story. Fortunately, my husband has always been conservative himself, so we agree on all important issues.
You can get through this, and he may even come to understand how right you are if he starts educating himself about this ideology and the actors behind it. Best wishes and good luck to you!