Self censoring is not necessarily a bad thing. Whether or not one believes in a god, or has any religious leanings, the Judeo-Christian writings are full of excellent advice for how to get along with our fellow man. In this context, consider "all things are permitted to me, but not all things are expedient for me." It costs nothing to choose to avoid deliberately giving offense. That way, if someone takes offense where none is offered, we can have a clear conscience, knowing that they are the source of their own offence.
I came around a lot sooner -- around 2014 or thereabouts, when a "Gender Pronoun" workshop was foisted upon our department, and we were warned, via email, that this person named "Horace" was NOT female. "Outward appearances are not determinant of gender." Turns out "Horace" was a gigantic voluptuous black woman wearing a raspberry tutu, pink ballet flats, and armloads of bracelets. More on that later, when the novel is finished, and I can upload the absurdities on Dog L's substack.
I also defected around that time because feminism was really starting to seem insane. Especially since I wound up childless, dutifully having aborted my opportunities to become a mother. You know, not having a "career" is a "ruined" life.
Add to this that during the Obama years, the rhetoric on solicitations for donations to the PARTY had become increasingly demonizing of the other side. The "evil" Republicans this and that. On top of that, long before, I had always secretly despised identity politics, which were running off the rails.
One day I typed "not feminist" in the search bar on youtube, and came across Janet Fiamengo's "The University of Indoctrination." It changed my life -- and my teaching. And, since committed to some semblance of objectivity, well, that's when the trouble started.
But what resonates here, is that I got kicked out of my local hair salon for saying to a Trans "Ally" who had cut my hair the last time, that I was not 'into' the gender stuff, that it was sowing chaos, and would not get my vote.
So about an hour before my next appointment, she texted me. "I can't cut your hair because I support trans people."
I texted back a photo of a phalloplasty. She clicked a laughing face on it.
Prior to this, the young woman who was cutting my hair, and went on maternity leave, confided when no one was around that she was horrified by what happened to Daniel Penny. We also had some interesting conversations about feminism running off the rails. One day she reminded me that we couldn't talk "in front of the others."
I tried to follow that edict, but one day told her that I had just watched a very interesting talk on how video game avatars might be encouraging kids to think they're trans. It wasn't an indictment of trans, just a possible cause.
The entire room stopped what they were doing.
And on this note, I must say, one of the most potent reasons for leaving the cult, is the lack of intellectual curiosity.
I highly recommend Quillette's podcast today, on the Feminization of Academia.
In the meantime, I'm running away screaming. I need to find another line of work. Wish me luck. I'm 63, and ironically, have known all manner of "gender bending" people, and have even been labeled one myself. So no, I'm not living in the dark ages. It's just that promoting causing harm to one's self, in the name of avoiding "harm" makes no f'ing sense.
I guess I'm an undercover Bohemian because I somehow escaped the Lower Haight in the early 90s without a tattoo.
“And, since committed to some semblance of objectivity, well, that's when the trouble started.”
Yup. The trouble is that the leftist view (dating back to the 1980s with the poststructuralists) is that “objectivity“ is a fallacy. And to some extent, of course they’re right. But they inevitably extend the logic into syllogism, which throws the baby out with the bathwater. Then that relativism gets extended to morality, science, etc. until there is no longer any concept of “truth”; merely competition over the wielding of power.
Back in my grad school days, when I was a TA, I used to tell my students that it was all fine and good to reject the concept of absolute objectivity/absolute truth, but if they tried to walk through the wall at the back of the classroom, they would find out that there is, in fact, some level of objective reality.
Can't wait to ready your book! And you don't need any luck. You're clearly a rock star. Thanks for adding so much sizzle and spice to this comments section. You're a goody as my mother would say.
Thank you. It's a pleasure to read you. I probably do need luck though. My manuscript was passed along to someone with pronouns and a preference for marginalized voices in her bio (thus marginalizing MY voice.) She hastily "stepped aside." It's OK. It needed one more rewrite. Here's to carving out a list of palatable agents...none with pronouns in the bio...
That's so retarded and gay, Mrs. Miller. GAY GAY GAY RE-LEFTARDED.
In reality, I don't go around "spraying" those insults the way lefties characterize it, though I am quite a bit more liberal (see what I did there) with them.
There's a happy medium somewhere. We used to have it. Maybe we will again.
Have you ever considered writing for something like The Free Press? I have no idea how that works. I would love to see you get a wider audience. Very thought provoking writing!
There were some really surreal things about the border debate in 2016 for me because I live near the border in AZ and they had building border fences here all throughout the Obama administration. Obama admin had also been deporting illegal immigrants at a record rate. Many with children who were teenagers who were American citizens. My daughter's friend was in foster care because her parents had been deported. And in CA especially there was quite an industry of foster care facilities for these teenagers. I'm a politically homeless ex leftist who now considers myself MAGA adjacent but at time I was still learning. This obvious hypocrisy of Left was very telling though.
Praying for your healing as a couple; I pray this therapist provides you both a place to speak safely from your hearts and grow closer. 💝💞💖
Also, this was a dynamite post—such a thoughtful reflection on the value of learning when and how to speak. Thanks for sharing so much of your inner work and wisdom with the world. You are truly demonstrating how it’s done. ❤️🙏🏻🥰
Loved the post and hoping counselling is helpful. We did some marriage counselling for a year or so about 6 years ago - before covid anyway. Some sessions were hard. But it was so worth it and that season has made our marriage so much more precious now. Hoping the same for you and that the counsellor will work for both of you and provide the space and tools you and Mr M need to work past this. And that somehow you’ll both be able to leave pride at the door (as I find pride to be my biggest obstacle to understanding, contrition, etc, etc)
Always a pleasure to read. My hair stylist is a sex realist! And a working class person. And an immigrant. She was on my side the whole time when my daughter was going through the BS. You just reminded me I need a haircut.
It feels like we're really at a tipping point, perhaps even over the crest, on our way back to reality as a society...at least I hope and pray.
I found you, Mrs. Miller, by way of Larissa Phillips via The Free Press. I'm new to Substack having discovered it via my own journey through the gender madness infecting my middle school daughter in 2021.
I'm coming from the opposite direction. I was raised in Christian fundamentalism and raised my 4 children in a nondenominational church. I was misled to believe that if I raised them right, they would turn out right. I began motherhood 3 weeks prior to my 21st birthday in 1989 and my youngest daughter is now a senior in high school. This world has become a VERY different place in the ensuing 35 years.
I was horrified when I discovered conspiratorial texts on my daughter's phone gleefully discussing gender-fluidity and pansexuality with her best friend. I then became the enemy by "outing" her as she declared herself a bisexual atheist when I attempted to talk with her about it.
I began researching gender ideology in earnest and discovered that her formerly conservative Texas public school district had been feeding it to her since kindergarten, disguised as "anti-bullying character education." (No Place for Hate)
We moved to a different, smaller school district but found they were only slightly less woke than the previous district. A woman in my church started a Moms For Liberty county-wide chapter, which I joined in hopes of receiving help to fight the madness in our new school district as it was now obvious that we couldn't run away from it.
As the new district lead of my M4L county chapter, I was still basically on my own, but I got to see the crazy from the inside. I was doxxed on a city-wide Facebook group by a rabid, leftist activist, who had infiltrated the M4L Facebook group, for asking the high school principal to remove the divisive & threatening GLSEN signs from classroom doors, windows, and hallways of my daughter's school.
The vitriol being spewed from both the right and the left (and my reactionary fear of it) only worsened my relationship with daughter, pushing her ever further from me. I sought psychotherapy and was encouraged by my therapist to focus on strengthening my relationship with my daughter rather than trying to destroy the negative influences in her life, a truly impossible task. So I resigned my M4L membership. Sadly, my photo was taken with the M4L chapter in a local 4th of July parade which I still see online every time John Stossel mentions M4L in one of his videos.
It was a useful experience, however. I certainly learned a lot. My relationship with my daughter has never been better since I let go of my authoritarian attempts to fix and protect her. Love, healthy boundaries and active listening have been immensely healing and have opened the door to respectful conversations. For that I am truly grateful.
Thanks for your comment. You have quite a story! Appreciate you sharing it here. I never went to a march, protest or M4L meeting for the reasons you mention. I didn't want it to sew more division between my daughter and me but I did fight--fruitlessly--against her woke HS school behind the scenes.
I always thought No Place For Hate was sus. I wonder if that was the case for us here. It never made sense that an antibullying campaign would put the word hate in such big letters in such an aggressive font. Like it was encouraging what it purported to fight against.
At any rate your experience illustrates that no one is safe from being brainwashed into thinking you can or should change your sex. I hesitate to use the word gender. Too slippery.
And very happy to hear you and your daughter are close now! Same here thank God.
I'm glad things are better with you and Miss Miller as well! I took to never letting her leave the house without a hug & a kiss from me. If I don't immediately jump up when she announces her departure, she comes looking for me for her hug. Hugs truly are important!
The best outcome of my M4L experience is that it exposed me to people and ideas outside of my right-wing bubble and I discovered that I had a lot more in common with liberals than I thought. Liberals and Conservatives were joining forces to combat the Marxist lies of the woke mob that came for all of our children and convinced them that their parents are the enemy. I met detransitioners and liberal mothers who lost their daughters to gender ideology. My heart broke as I listened to a young woman lament how she was irreversibly ruined by acting on the irrational belief that she was a boy trapped in a female body. I gave her the biggest mom-hug and told her she was NOT ruined, she was beautiful and strong and courageous and worthy to be loved. I have renewed hope that Liberals and Conservatives can find more common ground while challenging each other respectfully in good faith that our Republic is still the beacon of freedom that the Founders envisioned.
I have a hair appt this Thursday at a salon that I haven't been to 😬 my last hair stylist hung up her scissors 😭 Anyhow, I loathe starting fresh and need tips on how to NOT get into a political convo with her. Background: salon is in a very small rural town, I'm not a “libtard”, I want the illegals out of my Country, and I despise Trudeau.
Does anyone have tips on how to not get into discussing topics that might have me seeking another stylist?
Self censoring is not necessarily a bad thing. Whether or not one believes in a god, or has any religious leanings, the Judeo-Christian writings are full of excellent advice for how to get along with our fellow man. In this context, consider "all things are permitted to me, but not all things are expedient for me." It costs nothing to choose to avoid deliberately giving offense. That way, if someone takes offense where none is offered, we can have a clear conscience, knowing that they are the source of their own offence.
I'm definitely embroidering this one on my support quilt. Thank you! Beautifully said.
I came around a lot sooner -- around 2014 or thereabouts, when a "Gender Pronoun" workshop was foisted upon our department, and we were warned, via email, that this person named "Horace" was NOT female. "Outward appearances are not determinant of gender." Turns out "Horace" was a gigantic voluptuous black woman wearing a raspberry tutu, pink ballet flats, and armloads of bracelets. More on that later, when the novel is finished, and I can upload the absurdities on Dog L's substack.
I also defected around that time because feminism was really starting to seem insane. Especially since I wound up childless, dutifully having aborted my opportunities to become a mother. You know, not having a "career" is a "ruined" life.
Add to this that during the Obama years, the rhetoric on solicitations for donations to the PARTY had become increasingly demonizing of the other side. The "evil" Republicans this and that. On top of that, long before, I had always secretly despised identity politics, which were running off the rails.
One day I typed "not feminist" in the search bar on youtube, and came across Janet Fiamengo's "The University of Indoctrination." It changed my life -- and my teaching. And, since committed to some semblance of objectivity, well, that's when the trouble started.
But what resonates here, is that I got kicked out of my local hair salon for saying to a Trans "Ally" who had cut my hair the last time, that I was not 'into' the gender stuff, that it was sowing chaos, and would not get my vote.
So about an hour before my next appointment, she texted me. "I can't cut your hair because I support trans people."
I texted back a photo of a phalloplasty. She clicked a laughing face on it.
Prior to this, the young woman who was cutting my hair, and went on maternity leave, confided when no one was around that she was horrified by what happened to Daniel Penny. We also had some interesting conversations about feminism running off the rails. One day she reminded me that we couldn't talk "in front of the others."
I tried to follow that edict, but one day told her that I had just watched a very interesting talk on how video game avatars might be encouraging kids to think they're trans. It wasn't an indictment of trans, just a possible cause.
The entire room stopped what they were doing.
And on this note, I must say, one of the most potent reasons for leaving the cult, is the lack of intellectual curiosity.
I highly recommend Quillette's podcast today, on the Feminization of Academia.
In the meantime, I'm running away screaming. I need to find another line of work. Wish me luck. I'm 63, and ironically, have known all manner of "gender bending" people, and have even been labeled one myself. So no, I'm not living in the dark ages. It's just that promoting causing harm to one's self, in the name of avoiding "harm" makes no f'ing sense.
I guess I'm an undercover Bohemian because I somehow escaped the Lower Haight in the early 90s without a tattoo.
“And, since committed to some semblance of objectivity, well, that's when the trouble started.”
Yup. The trouble is that the leftist view (dating back to the 1980s with the poststructuralists) is that “objectivity“ is a fallacy. And to some extent, of course they’re right. But they inevitably extend the logic into syllogism, which throws the baby out with the bathwater. Then that relativism gets extended to morality, science, etc. until there is no longer any concept of “truth”; merely competition over the wielding of power.
Back in my grad school days, when I was a TA, I used to tell my students that it was all fine and good to reject the concept of absolute objectivity/absolute truth, but if they tried to walk through the wall at the back of the classroom, they would find out that there is, in fact, some level of objective reality.
Can't wait to ready your book! And you don't need any luck. You're clearly a rock star. Thanks for adding so much sizzle and spice to this comments section. You're a goody as my mother would say.
Thank you. It's a pleasure to read you. I probably do need luck though. My manuscript was passed along to someone with pronouns and a preference for marginalized voices in her bio (thus marginalizing MY voice.) She hastily "stepped aside." It's OK. It needed one more rewrite. Here's to carving out a list of palatable agents...none with pronouns in the bio...
That's so retarded and gay, Mrs. Miller. GAY GAY GAY RE-LEFTARDED.
In reality, I don't go around "spraying" those insults the way lefties characterize it, though I am quite a bit more liberal (see what I did there) with them.
There's a happy medium somewhere. We used to have it. Maybe we will again.
Let's get back to fifty shades of gay--I mean GRAY. Which rhymes with spray, which-- anyway you're hilarious and I heart u.
We gays are so much easier to satisfy than you sluts. We don't need 50 shades of any of that. One will do just fine, thank you!
#truth
Have you ever considered writing for something like The Free Press? I have no idea how that works. I would love to see you get a wider audience. Very thought provoking writing!
I would love to!! Thank you!!
Yes, would love to see this!
There were some really surreal things about the border debate in 2016 for me because I live near the border in AZ and they had building border fences here all throughout the Obama administration. Obama admin had also been deporting illegal immigrants at a record rate. Many with children who were teenagers who were American citizens. My daughter's friend was in foster care because her parents had been deported. And in CA especially there was quite an industry of foster care facilities for these teenagers. I'm a politically homeless ex leftist who now considers myself MAGA adjacent but at time I was still learning. This obvious hypocrisy of Left was very telling though.
I will pray for you & your Mr… mine will not & any prayers are humbly & gratefully accepted 🙏
Prayers to you as well Faith... 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Praying for your healing as a couple; I pray this therapist provides you both a place to speak safely from your hearts and grow closer. 💝💞💖
Also, this was a dynamite post—such a thoughtful reflection on the value of learning when and how to speak. Thanks for sharing so much of your inner work and wisdom with the world. You are truly demonstrating how it’s done. ❤️🙏🏻🥰
I sure hope so, thanks as always Leah!
Loved the post and hoping counselling is helpful. We did some marriage counselling for a year or so about 6 years ago - before covid anyway. Some sessions were hard. But it was so worth it and that season has made our marriage so much more precious now. Hoping the same for you and that the counsellor will work for both of you and provide the space and tools you and Mr M need to work past this. And that somehow you’ll both be able to leave pride at the door (as I find pride to be my biggest obstacle to understanding, contrition, etc, etc)
Always a pleasure to read. My hair stylist is a sex realist! And a working class person. And an immigrant. She was on my side the whole time when my daughter was going through the BS. You just reminded me I need a haircut.
Love everything about this ❤️🔥
Great article as usual. I love the idea of you going to Chea and doing an AA thing. So funny.
Also, I hope all goes well with the counselor. Cheering for you.
Thank you Moonbeam. Chea wouldn't be my first amends! 🧡
I love reading your substack. I can relatev100%!
Thank you so much!
It feels like we're really at a tipping point, perhaps even over the crest, on our way back to reality as a society...at least I hope and pray.
I found you, Mrs. Miller, by way of Larissa Phillips via The Free Press. I'm new to Substack having discovered it via my own journey through the gender madness infecting my middle school daughter in 2021.
I'm coming from the opposite direction. I was raised in Christian fundamentalism and raised my 4 children in a nondenominational church. I was misled to believe that if I raised them right, they would turn out right. I began motherhood 3 weeks prior to my 21st birthday in 1989 and my youngest daughter is now a senior in high school. This world has become a VERY different place in the ensuing 35 years.
I was horrified when I discovered conspiratorial texts on my daughter's phone gleefully discussing gender-fluidity and pansexuality with her best friend. I then became the enemy by "outing" her as she declared herself a bisexual atheist when I attempted to talk with her about it.
I began researching gender ideology in earnest and discovered that her formerly conservative Texas public school district had been feeding it to her since kindergarten, disguised as "anti-bullying character education." (No Place for Hate)
We moved to a different, smaller school district but found they were only slightly less woke than the previous district. A woman in my church started a Moms For Liberty county-wide chapter, which I joined in hopes of receiving help to fight the madness in our new school district as it was now obvious that we couldn't run away from it.
As the new district lead of my M4L county chapter, I was still basically on my own, but I got to see the crazy from the inside. I was doxxed on a city-wide Facebook group by a rabid, leftist activist, who had infiltrated the M4L Facebook group, for asking the high school principal to remove the divisive & threatening GLSEN signs from classroom doors, windows, and hallways of my daughter's school.
The vitriol being spewed from both the right and the left (and my reactionary fear of it) only worsened my relationship with daughter, pushing her ever further from me. I sought psychotherapy and was encouraged by my therapist to focus on strengthening my relationship with my daughter rather than trying to destroy the negative influences in her life, a truly impossible task. So I resigned my M4L membership. Sadly, my photo was taken with the M4L chapter in a local 4th of July parade which I still see online every time John Stossel mentions M4L in one of his videos.
It was a useful experience, however. I certainly learned a lot. My relationship with my daughter has never been better since I let go of my authoritarian attempts to fix and protect her. Love, healthy boundaries and active listening have been immensely healing and have opened the door to respectful conversations. For that I am truly grateful.
Thanks for your comment. You have quite a story! Appreciate you sharing it here. I never went to a march, protest or M4L meeting for the reasons you mention. I didn't want it to sew more division between my daughter and me but I did fight--fruitlessly--against her woke HS school behind the scenes.
I always thought No Place For Hate was sus. I wonder if that was the case for us here. It never made sense that an antibullying campaign would put the word hate in such big letters in such an aggressive font. Like it was encouraging what it purported to fight against.
At any rate your experience illustrates that no one is safe from being brainwashed into thinking you can or should change your sex. I hesitate to use the word gender. Too slippery.
And very happy to hear you and your daughter are close now! Same here thank God.
I'm glad things are better with you and Miss Miller as well! I took to never letting her leave the house without a hug & a kiss from me. If I don't immediately jump up when she announces her departure, she comes looking for me for her hug. Hugs truly are important!
The best outcome of my M4L experience is that it exposed me to people and ideas outside of my right-wing bubble and I discovered that I had a lot more in common with liberals than I thought. Liberals and Conservatives were joining forces to combat the Marxist lies of the woke mob that came for all of our children and convinced them that their parents are the enemy. I met detransitioners and liberal mothers who lost their daughters to gender ideology. My heart broke as I listened to a young woman lament how she was irreversibly ruined by acting on the irrational belief that she was a boy trapped in a female body. I gave her the biggest mom-hug and told her she was NOT ruined, she was beautiful and strong and courageous and worthy to be loved. I have renewed hope that Liberals and Conservatives can find more common ground while challenging each other respectfully in good faith that our Republic is still the beacon of freedom that the Founders envisioned.
I have a hair appt this Thursday at a salon that I haven't been to 😬 my last hair stylist hung up her scissors 😭 Anyhow, I loathe starting fresh and need tips on how to NOT get into a political convo with her. Background: salon is in a very small rural town, I'm not a “libtard”, I want the illegals out of my Country, and I despise Trudeau.
Does anyone have tips on how to not get into discussing topics that might have me seeking another stylist?
It’s easy. Ask her about herself; if she has children, ask about them, and just listen and nod (but not when the scissors are working).
Here to emphasize "ask her about herself."
I'll try to ask her about herself 😬 I just hate small talk in any chair I've sat in, maybe I should just bury myself in my phone 😂 wish me luck 🤞
😂 so noted, especially “zip it when them scissors are a moving” 😂😂😂
💯
Eek! Good luck!